"Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy."
my dad literally used to tell me “if you can’t do it perfectly, why bother doing it at all?” anytime I messed anything up as a kid.
THANKS FOR RUINING MY BRAIN, DAD.
I’m reblobbing this again because I just reread it & it made me cry
tendertired: 1 & 8!
1.This is hard because 1) I don’t necessarily have a favorite movie? It’s difficult to pick, especially since movies are generally too long for me to really enjoy watching whereas like with Buffy I can just put on an episode I’ve seen a million times but it’s super comforting + low commitment. Also, 2) I don’t remember the first time I saw most of my favez. I barely even know when I first saw 10 Things I Hate About You, Emperor’s New Groove, or Unconditional Love.
I remember the first time I saw Phantom of the Paradise, though. & that flick is definitely up there. I had just gotten my septum pierced & one of my then best friends who I had a really special but complicated relationship with was with me & then we went & played on a playground & ended up showing up late to this movie night at Burger Records but we were in time to see the second film they put on which was Phantom of the Paradise & it was a bunch of kids I didn’t know smoking & drinking all crowded in this shitty tiny uncomfortable record store & my friend & I squeezed in up front & had to sit leaning up against some peoples legs b/c there was hardly any room & I was freaking out about my piercing b/c I was so scared of how my parents would react & afraid I would mess it up & my nose would fall off or something & then the movie kinda just took over & I was like, “wow I have no idea what’s going on but i love it.” & “also this is something to do/saves me from having to socialize with all of these people”
& yeah idk it was just kinda part of this summer that was full of adventure & youth & weird times & exploring things & re-exploring things & trying to make things happen & then things happening unexpectedly & expected things happening but still being a surprise & just a whole lot of weirdness & fun. it was a great summer
8. there are a lot of things that I tell myself to be proud of, or think I should be proud of, or work to be proud of (such as the strides I’ve made in recovery, or my academic accomplishments). if I’m 100% honest, though, what I feel truly & incredibly proud of above all else is the party I threw my high school abuser for our 1 year anniversary.
at the time he was working as an entertainer at kids birthday parties; he dressed up as Luke Skywalker. so I pretended to be a mother, & I “hired” him to come to a party. but then when he got there instead of it being a job it was a surprise party with a bunch of friends, & food, & a Darth Vader pinata. it was a complete success- he had no idea I was planning it & was totally surprised & cried & it was really cute & fun. I worked on that party for months- making & distributing invitations (they were hella cute, like HELLA CUTE), getting in contact & sorting out details with his boss, getting supplies. I have literally never worked so hard on anything, or enjoyed a project, as much as that party. It’s been 5 years & it is still my proudest achievement.